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About Film & Animation / Student Premium Member Mayosha23/Female/Canada Group :iconseriousartists: #SeriousArtists
 
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Talking? Oh Yeah, That.

Journal Entry: Fri May 24, 2013, 9:39 PM





This is a topic sentence. It is topical and also a sentence. It briefly and formulaically summarises the forthcoming content, laying down a solid foundation on which an enchanting, soul-pervading tale of wonder may be built.

Or something. Also that's more than once sentence, but we'll disregard that.

It's been approximately an amount of time since I wrote anything personal; I feel awkward about it now. But that's probably part of my whole dealio which, if my topic sentence weren't rubbish, would have been already established. But uh... it's been bothering me increasingly that I'm some kind of pretty bad at talking or something. My instinctive response to anything involves no linguistic vocalisations of any kind. I spent something stupid like five years not talking to anybody except maybe onebody via text. I wasn't even uh... 'able' (yes, let's totally mysteriously phrase it like that while assuring that it wasn't a psychological incapability) to comment on things or respond to comments or anything on The Internet during much of that time. I guess I uh... kind of got used to that - the expectation that I wasn't going to be participating in social interactions, so that natural urge to say any of the things I may be thinking or to share things with people just... faded away. I feel terrible that so many lovely people commented on my artwork during that time and I didn't (¿couldn't?) respond with so much as a 'thank you' or anything. There were some that I really appreciated and wish I'd just responded to anyway, so I'm sorry for that period of unreasonable silence, especially if anyone was hurt or disappointed by my seemingly-unappreciative lack of replies. : (

In non-internet life I feel kind of dumb and non-contributory all the time, but it's not like I don't want to talk more or chip in with my own opinions and stuff. I'm scared and worried about looking stupid or embarrassing myself and am pretty much just used to keeping everything to myself all the time anyway, so it's easy - if entirely unfulfilling - to just keep rolling along like that. Usually I just mentally freeze around other people and can't contribute much anyway since my mind just goes all blank and I struggle to find words and formulate sentences in a non-text-typing environment. It's no fun and I feel detached and distant from people all the time, finding it hard to make more personal connections in all my silly talky-fright. Which is uh... frustrating because I would really rather appreciate a good close friend or two whom I feel actually comfortable around and not just all like "THEY SAID A THING. I NOW HAVE TO SAY A THING. OHGOD HOW DO I CONVERSATION?! IS THIS SILENCE AWKWARD?? HURRY, THINK OF SOMETHING TO SAY. WHAT DO PEOPLE EVEN TALK ABOUT?!" around. I wasn't always this bad! Aaaahhh! I used to not worry so much about whether or not I had the capacity to keep up my side of the conversation, or quiet moments being awkward, but now I do, but that's because reasons, and when you've been complained at enough for everything imaginable blah blah blah.

I really really reallyreally needwant to overcome my SILLY SILLY social problems, and there are some areas in which I've improved at least (talking to strangers for example), so uh... there is hope for you yet, young *Firequill! I shall continue to thrust my awkward, trembling feet forward and uh... do the thing where at some point some success happens and we all have a raucous, rowdy party in a mansion, jumping into swimming pools with inappropriate footwear and being mesmerised by smoke machines and pretty laser light displays and such! I think that is a thing people do when they celebrate, yes? While - to my understanding - listening to diseased fish being beaten? And vulgar poetry is recited by confident young men?

¿¿¿OPTIMISM??? Maybe I should uh... actually do things with people instead of doing exactly not that at precisely every opportunity. Except for those times where I do do things with people. Or something.

  • Listening to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDjIsceTHfs
  • Reading: Homestuck
  • Playing: Ni no Kuni
  • Drinking: Tea

deviantID

*Firequill
Thirsty Fondler
Artist | Student | Film & Animation
Canada
I'm a mostly-digital-sometimes-traditional artist currently attending Think Tank Training Centre in Vancouver working towards a career in 3D animation!

I've always loved drawing and favour fantasy and animals. Most of my artwork is done digitally using Photoshop and a Wacom tablet, but I do a lot of sketching on paper. I really enjoy studying anatomy and playing with colour (amongst other things, *wink wink* *nudge nudge*).

As an artist, I'm self-taught, grabbing knowledge from online tutorials and generally just putting a lot of effort into drawing in my spare time with the goal of improving my understanding of anatomy, form, and colour. I've been drawing seriously since I was 13 and I don't think it's something I can stop myself from doing!

And now I'm also an animator, working mainly in the third dimension! PHWOOAAAHHH!1 I get to make stuff move and stare at voluptuous curves all day! I'm still a student though. Aw. But don't worry; one of these days I'll find a nice little bush that I'll crawl into, wrapping myself all snug up into a cocoon awaiting a warm spring day on which I shall emerge as a beautiful, beautiful professional animation butterfly. ;u;

And then there are other things that I do because I can and it's fun to learn to do new stuff (it's like gaining magical powers!1). I like making websites and poking around in Flash...! And I guess it's kind of a distant if-I-have-the-time type goal to improve my understanding of music theory and be capable of composing nice-sounding music. I wish I could play a musical instrument well, so there's another dream!

As a human being, I'm friendly, kind of quiet/shy, benignly mischievous, humour-enjoying, silly-walking, understanding, non-confrontational, intelligence-appreciating, language-liking, and probably a laundry list of other things.

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:icondat-rainbow:
=Dat-Rainbow 3 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thank you very much for the llama ♥
Reply
:iconfirequill:
*Firequill 2 days ago  Student Filmographer
You're welcome! <3
Reply
:iconinejwstine:
~inejwstine 4 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
What happened to "sabre's sanctum"? Is it still around under a different name? I'm looking for the tutorials that were on it. I liked them. :3
Reply
:iconfirequill:
*Firequill 4 days ago  Student Filmographer
Aw, I shut the site down about a year ago because I didn't have the time/interest/money to maintain it while I was busy at school. I've been wanting to get some tutorials up again somewhere (be they old or new) and now that the school year is winding down, maybe I'll have that kind of time again. WE'LL SEE.

I do miss having a website though... PHP, CSS, I want you back in my liiiiiife! ;____;
Reply
:iconinejwstine:
~inejwstine 4 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aww... *pats the sad griffin*
Would the tutorials from your site fit somewhere in your livejournal mayhaps? I really liked the dragon ones and the bird wing tutorial.
Reply
:iconmwokozii:
=Mwokozii 5 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
"official fresh bread sniffer"
OMG. that just completely made my day, thank you xD im laughing so hard right now i love it <3
Reply
:iconfirequill:
*Firequill 5 days ago  Student Filmographer
Haha, you're the first person to actually say anything about that! I'm glad you enjoyed it. xD
Reply
:iconmwokozii:
=Mwokozii 5 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahaha, you are welcome! x3
And i only had to say something because i am guilty of bread sniffing. Whenever we get panera bread bagels...must sniff ALL the bagels.
:iconallthethingsplz:
Reply
:iconfirequill:
*Firequill 5 days ago  Student Filmographer
Ahaha, yeah, when my parents would bring home fresh bread, I'd end up just kind of standing there sniffing it all fresh-baked and nice when nobody else was in the room.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconsovriin:
*Sovriin Apr 24, 2013  Student Artisan Crafter
Sorry this is late, but Thank you for the fav! :)
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