I was going to start a poll, but upon confusedly failing to find my last poll, I remembered that I couldn't do it without my subscription. I have to wait several days for it to be revived since bank transfers take that long, so I'll just talk about what I was going to ask here. I was going to ask something like "do you feel attached/connected to reality?" because I certainly don't. Generally, I feel like I'm watching reality occur around me instead of actually participating in it or maybe like I'm missing some sort of sense and feel "numb" or something... I suppose it's like when you're dreaming and you sort of only half feel things. Maybe you can detect your dream surroundings with your dream eyes in a vague way, but you don't smell the air or feel it entering your nostrils and filling your lungs... Things just don't feel as clear as they would if you were awake. If I'm not feeling like I'm living in a dream, I feel instead like I'm living in a memory, focusing not on what's happening to me, but on the fact that I'll be looking back on what's happening in the future. Feeling like that sometimes makes me think it strange that I can't just experience any time of my life at will since what I'm CURRENTLY feeling is just a memory of a future version of myself and...!

Yes. I feel quite detached from reality and like I'm missing senses and as a result am unable to enjoy the *full experience*. It's like someone watching a documentary about rainbows on a black and white television or something. And so I wonder how many other people feel like that or if I feel that way due to my lifestyle or just my way of looking at things...

Ugh. Also, after spending that WONDERFUL MONTH with that WONDERFUL *pseudolonewolf guy, I feel really detached from all the things I was familiar with before leaving, including the internet. Coming back to this website after so long feels... irritating due to types of people I end up seeing here. I'm especially sick of seeing so many MEMES and do actually feel physically sick when I see people saying "I LIEK PIE." As I did when they had that "Deck the halls with..." poll and the majority of people voted for "PIES!" and left comments that were ever-so-similar to everyone else's comments about pie and... yes. I probably feel rather bitter after having to say goodbye to the lovely Sir Prince Mister Duke Count *pseudolonewolf XXVII and as a result am more irritable and feel more weary or mentally drained or something upon seeing annoying things... But that's not what this journal is about! It's about the first two paragraphs!